Unheard
Some days I feel as if, I am screaming at the top of my lungs for everyone to hear my truth about myself, people, people's actions, LIFE, etc. No matter how high I scream, I still feel like my volume is on mute. Ironically, I will suggest and hint at things that seem unusual, but no one will listen.
Feeling mute in an outspoken world is a pain. You feel as if no one wants to listen, no one cares.
I lost a couple of "good" people in my life, that I "use" to count on all the time to listen......but they're not here anymore. I never expected those friendships to fade, I'd rather thought they will be around forever. I was so comfortable and dependent on those friendships, Life would seem to make sense whenever they were around. Everything felt natural for them to know all of me & I know all of them. As time began to change and fade into the hour, they faded too. Just because life was moving fast, didn't mean we had to grow apart.To be honest, I never dealt with the emotions I felt about us departing as friends because of the reasons surrounding why we departed. Never in a million years did I think I would lose a best friend to careless lie from a hating bih. Nor did I expect for my bff to turn on me and never speak to me again because she didn't get her away. Since they've been gone, times have gotten better but not my communication stayed complacent. My level of comfort of expressing how I am feeling, to minor chit chat about old flings hasn't been the same since going or separate ways. I find myself wanting to express my inner thoughts and emotions, but becoming mute because I haven't reached that comfort level, yet. That comfort level was composed of me being open, free to talk about anything, loyalty, having a sense of vulnerability, accountability, honesty, and dependability. Not your typical love, but the love that was unconditional for your best friend. The type of best friend love, you ride or die for. It was the type of best friend love, that felt irreplaceable.
